Happy New Year

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

Oprah nailed that on the head! I feel 2010 was a huge life lesson for me... I was never the one to make a list because really I didn't care much to change I just thought it's just another day but it's not... it's a new begining for a lot of people. It's the time to say thank you for all the good and a good Eff-you to the bad. So here I am making my list of what I want to accomplish in 2011 wish me luck and Happy New Year!

My List for 2011

Stop Yelling

Start taking more pictures of EVERYTHING

Be a better house wife

Start doing Yoga with my daughter

Get pregnant

Lose weight

Finish the kids room

Finish my room

Happy Birthday Jax!

Happy Birthday

to my sweet, gentle, caring little boy! He is such an amazing addition to our family and has brought us so many good memories and given us so many reasons to smile! He really is such a special little boy!

Here are some of my favorite pics of him over the last year!

I seriously can't get enough of his dimples!

I had to do one with is best friend in the world!

TTC

I never knew what TTC was until I was Trying To Conceive myself and it's been 4 months now and no baby. With Alexa and Jaxon they were one timers! I would think about being pregnant and there I find myself pregnant shortly after. I am not complaining about ttc because I am so grateful I got to have my babies... I also don't think I won't be able to get pregnant... I'm just going through the whole process of the waiting game! Good thing I'm a pretty patient person. I'm not gonna lie though it is a little depressing month after month wanting a baby so badly and being told no not this month. I am going to see my doctor and see if something is wrong just because I've had some other lady problems like cysts and what not but I'm not gonna lie... I have an odd feeling that something isn't right. I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worse, like I always do. I will keep my head up and I will stay happy and busy because of my two little monsters! Maybe hopefully someday soon I will be able to become pregnant and complete my cute little family!! *fingers crossed*

Homemade For The Holliday!

I am pretty excited for Christmas! If I didn't have kids I probably wouldn't be so dang excited. The thought of them coming out Christmas morning seeing all the presents "Santa" brought them is gonna be so cool! Also I know right now a lot of people are having a hard time getting Christmas for their families and some people feel bad if you get them something and they just didn't have to money to get you something soooo here is what I'm doing.... making all the gifts I give to people by hand! I have sooooo many cute ideas and with help from my loving friend Tess this Christmas will be pretty awesome! We both are going to be busting our butts to make it all happen! I wanna give a sneak peak of all the cute things but people who are receiving these gifts all read my blog so I will be keeping it hush hush for now. Well that's pretty much all I wanted to blog about!

The Journey

I'm alone a lot lately and I like it so much but then too much of a good thing can become a bad thing... I'm not sure if this is one of those things though, I guess we will see because honestly I don't see that changing anytime soon... plus if I surround myself with too many people all I start to see is the things about them that bug me and I come to realize I don't have a lot in common with most people. That or I just don't care to make friends with everyone! I know those kind of people and it makes me sad to think that people surround themselves with people no matter what or who they are, because they need to be friends with EVERYONE. I'm not a therapist or anything of the sort but to me that just shows a lack of confidence in who you are and maybe a little confusion to who they are, or hell they just like being center of attention... either way I'm far from ever wanting that. I hate attention unless it's from people that are important to me in my life. I've disconnected my self from a lot lately, like some family and really it's because I can't stand watching people abuse people the way they do... I'm not naming names because really it's not important. I need to separate myself because of the hate that builds in me and starts to take over so all in all being alone is my therapy, it's my comfort.

I needed a break for just a minute!

Alright so I'm finally taking some time for me to blog... I know I am a stay at home mom and I should have a lot more time to blog, but in all reality I don't... two kids a house, bills, laundry, cleaning.... you know everything else! All I don't do is have a job that actually earns me money! I'm OK with that though.

So a lot has been going on with me I've been trying to have another baby and so far no luck but it's only been 2 months so I'm not too worried about it, but we did decide that we are gonna wait till the holidays are over with so that the stress of trying to get prego doesn't put me over the edge when it comes to stress. I was lucky with my last two... first timers! haha I didn't try hard to get them at all! One of the major stresses I am dealing with is the freaking holidays... if they aren't stressful enough throw two birthdays in the mix... and in the same week! I'm an idiot I know this...

On another note I am doing Thanksgiving at my house this year and lets just say I'm pretty sure I have no clue what I've got myself into. There won't be a lot of people here but enough to make things a bit stressful! I've never cooked a turkey either... I've watched my parents cook one for many many years so I'm sure it will all turn out just fine *CROSSING FINGERS*. Even with all the stress of the holidays and my kids birthdays I still LOVE this season... all the family all the comfort food, being around the people you love the most in the world! It really is an awesome time of the year and I'm pretty excited that it's here.

I try to think of all the things I am grateful for to help me through the rough times but I really am grateful and thankful for all my amazing family and friends I really do believe I have some of the most amazing people surround me... So thanks to all of you who make the bad times bearable and the good times even that much more enjoyable!

A Fresh Start

So lately things have been up and down a lot I haven't been able to get to a happy place and I think it's because I stress way to much and I care too much, and I truly believe that is stopping me from achieving what I want most right now.

I'm learning to let go of things and forgive those who have been rude or done and said things behind my back... even if they didn't ask to be forgiven. I like to keep my feelings inside so I'm sure those people didn't even know to ask for forgiveness! I'm giving up this stupid fight and moving on with my life... I'm sick of caring for people who don't even care about themselves and trying to stick for them when it is obviously not my place.

I can admit when I am wrong and say that I get too involved in crap that just doesn't matter, and now I'm done I'm washing my hands clean and starting all over again and it feels amazing! I just hope I can keep going this way and not get distracted on what my goals are and to never lose sight of what I want!

I can't help but laugh a little!

So I haven't had better luck or anything like that but for some reason I'm happy even though so many things around me should make me feel sad, bothered, stressed. I don't know how I'm actually not letting things stress me out... Lately I've had to deal with a lot of negative people and people who like to make things a bigger deal than they really are and I just can not stand those kind of people. But I'm happy to say they aren't effecting me negatively also I can't help but laugh a little.

I really really wanna go to Gardner Village it's such a beautiful place to go and shop I love it. I'll show some pictures so you can see it if you haven't yet!! Even if you don't buy a thing it's really just an awesome experience.

I've had a really fun weekend getting my house all organized it's really hard to organize sometimes but even harder to keep it that way! I just want to do better and not let it get so un organized! Thank you Jess for watching my little Alexa while we did it. I really wanna go to Ikea and get stuff to organize my closet with cause really... I take up a lot of the closet space and well we need more space for Eric's things!

Stressed

Today is a pretty stressful day for me... things are starting to set in and the stress is starting to get to me emotionally. I'm having a hard time accepting that this is it for me... this is my life... don't get me wrong I love being a Mom there's no doubt about that... but the fact that this is all I am or will be can't be right and as of this time that's all I am. It's a hard job and I'm always thinking I could do better. I just need to remind myself that this is the sacrifice I make to be a mom, and a stay at home mom. I just hope something good happens soon... my luck has been awful lately!

Family Is Everything

Life can really throw some hard things our way but I am really happy that I have a such a strong support system and my amazing family. I love how Eric's always there for me when I start to freak a little and start to stress but he always manages to calm me down and help me through the hard times. I'm really lucky to have these amazing people in my life.

Family is what makes you feel happy when you feel sad,
Family is what inspires you when you feel down,
Family is what which helps you in all circumstances of life,
In fact, Family is everything for me

Halloween Month!

Well, lately I've been spending a lot of my time with my kids and doing fun activities with them! It's been a blast and has made us a stronger closer family and I love it.

Other than focusing on my beautiful family I've been doing a lot of nothing... haha yeah. Things will be changing though because it's October... my favorite month EVER! haha I love decorating and watching scary movies I love everything about october! Cloudy days, cold nights that alone is a good setting for a spooky month! Alexa is exactly like me and loves this month as well! October 1st she asks " MOM is it halloween yet!?" and of course I scream with her and cheer cause it's halloween month! We are nuts... but that's ok with us :)

Storms and clouds

Well, storms and clouds really are some of my favorite things!! Even as a kid this was my favorite kind of weather... I would sneak out and play in the rain lay on the ground enjoying the weather... I also have the best memory of running around in the rain for a long time with my little brother and a neighbor kid! Best kid memory I can remember.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves

Well, lately I have been having some really different views on life and knowing what I know now I need to make some serious changes in my life so that I can be healthier, happier, and all around a better me. I need to this for me and my kids so that they can have me at my best! I wanna be a happier person and I want to be a better mom to my kids... and I know that all of us moms are always striving to be better mothers and what not but I really wanna try a lot harder! I'm actually pretty happy with the changes I've made already like spending more time with us as a family and working on mine and Eric's relationship ( nothing happened just wanna keep things happy!) I haven't had such a clear head in a long time and I'm happy that I made these changes with no influences at all! I didn't do it because of a friend or family member I did it for me! I honestly can say I feel so much better about it because of that!

Getting Back To What I Love

I'm not sure what it is about fall that I love ... the cold breeze during the day, how cold it gets at night or is it the fact I LOVE WEARING JACKETS! love them seriously my favorite article of clothing! There are just so many cute jackets out there!!!

Another thing I love is photography and I know A LOT of people have this as a hobby but really when I'm taking pictures I see the world in such a different way! I love where my lenses takes me! As silly as that sounds it's the truth! I want to take more pics of my son cause lets face it he's cute... not just baby cute like he's really cute! ha ha ( Yeah I'm one of THOSE moms!) anyways I know the exact outfit and everything!!! I found it on crazy 8 this morning *my favorite place to shop for clothes for my kids* Anyways I'll get back to what I wanted to post about in the first place! Taking pictures again... I'm just gonna go one day and do them! I need more time outside and I need to do more things that I love doing and I believe I've lost sight of that! Well here are some of my favorite pics I've done !

How time fly's

Today was the first day of pre school for Alexa and she was soooo excited to go. We were both up till 1am cause we were so nervous... I'm sure for different reasons!

It's been really hard on me and wow she's only been gone an hour! I feel like such a baby! It didn't hit me until I noticed Jaxon hadn't stopped crying sense we left her at school. I could feel that he was missing her it was kind of obvious because he would cry and point at her empty car seat. Finally he settled down after I put on some backyardagains for him.

I am so excited for Alexa to grow up but I'm kind of selfish and want her to slow down a little for me. I held my not so little girl last night and cried myself to sleep... not sad tears but happy tears that she has grown into such and amazing loving girl and I couldn't be happier that she is mine!

Good Day!

Well I have to admit that it's been a long time sense I had a really good day!! I spent time with some friends and my family and it was a blast! We went to 7 peaks for a few hours and besides all the traffic from the BYU game it was a pretty non stressful day. What makes me even happier is that the day is not over! I am in the mood to do so much and to make as many memories as I can! Well today was a good day and I really needed it!!

Bad Day

Hello bad day please go away so that your badness won't rub off on tomorrow!

I hate birth control

I really hate birth control! It makes me all wacky! I gain weight and I cry a LOT! I'm so excited that I have less than a week left of it. I even decided to try one month earlier so I didn't have to be on it anymore!!! Oh well I'm excited to see if it was worth even taking! crossing my fingers!

Parenting

Parenting has it's pros and cons and I am gonna list a few of them so that other parents can feel like they aren't so alone in this journey and also so that those of you that don't have kids yet can see why and how us parent's parent.

I'll start off first with Cons! #1- Discipline this is always a really hard thing for us parents to do we have to decide what is the best way of going about it. I'm gonna say right now it's a lot of hit and miss! I started out with TIME OUT ha ha yeah that didn't work really well for my little Alexa it didn't matter how long I put her in time out she kept dis-obeying. Time out almost became fun for her! So I get thinking about all the other options I have.... Taking her toys away, sending her to her room, no TV... at this point I started to think about spanking her... I couldn't imagine having to spank my kid but I was at a lost of what to do. So I try spanking... not hard but enough to know that I was upset with her.... lets just say that first time spanking her we both cried... Making these kinds of decisions are so hard on us parents because in all reality we just wanna do what is best for our little ones. I still do time out and taking away of toys but really it's all about mixing up her punishments depending on her disobedience. I love my kid and it sucks that we have to punish them!

#2 People judging me on how and what I'm teaching my kids..... my favorite thing to say to these people is " just because I'm not doing it the way you do doesn't mean I'm doing it the wrong way" We all believe that different things are the right things for our kids and it's true the way I'm doing it might be better for my child but not yours... vice versa . I also wanna talk about those who have 0 children at all... I don't care if you have younger siblings or niece's and nephews that you are close to... they aren't your kids and your not with them 100% of the time so you don't know what it is like to to have to make the decisions we have to make and you haven't been in our situations before. Trust me when your in the store and you've been up all night with a screaming kid and this kid is screaming and acting out in that store you have to understand that at that exact point all of you disappear and all I can see and hear is this little child throwing their fit.... I will get mad at them in public and all around make a fool of myself! But no worries I don't give a shit so you can keep staring and saying "I'll never do that when I have kids" heh I just hope I'm there when you do have kids and are going through that exact situation so that I can lean over and tell you " No worries I know exactly what your going through".

#3 Last of my con's but not least! Talking back... well lets just say when our kids learn how to talk they let you know how they feel all the time. "You're being mean mom", "My heart hates you because you won't get me that toy", "I don't wanna talk to you anymore" .... my daughters personal favorite. It cuts through us... we love our kids more than anything in this world... they are our world. When we hear these things I know that most of us cry or become speechless! We give them everything and we work so hard every day for them and the times they say these things it really hits hard. We know they don't mean it and they love us still, but no lies here... it sucks!

Now I'm gonna go over my PROS #1 Seeing my kids do things for the first time. We all wanna be apart of history and make our mark in history... when in reality we are by bringing in these little beings and teaching them everything we know... down to how we smile, or laugh. I like to believe that is me leaving my mark in history and them leaving a mark in mine. I love seeing all that these kids learn every day. It really is remarkable when you have these babies who don't know anything all of the sudden pick up on everything and quite quick. Their first words, first time holding their bottles, first walk... yes as little as these things are they are now so important and huge to us parents.

#2 Never being alone... I'm not gonna sit here and say I never want a break from my kids, cause I do but to know that no matter what I can always come home to my kids and talk with them, play with them and do absolutely nothing with them! My kids teach me more and more every day. New things about myself and them and believe it or not this world all together... and the most important...the meaning of my life. I want to be more for them so that they have the will and the want to be more as well. They make me want to be a better person.

#3Their unconditional love. You will never ever find that kind of love any where else... I am so much to them! I am the person that will make everything right and the touch of my kiss on their boo boo makes it all better. The times spent cuddling on the couch or in bed just the thought of them wanting to not move or be doing anything else is heart warming and such and amazing feeling. I can't say much more about this because it really is beyond words for me... My kids are my world and I am theirs and that right there makes my life as amazing as it is. Through all the tantrums and fights these moment wash them away like they have never happened and everything seems right and that right there is something I would never give up or regret.... EVER.



I'm just sayin :)

What to do

I've been thinking lately that I wanna do something different just not sure what. I'm sort of bored and wanna do more. hmmmmmmm

If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty

I really hate 2 faced people! I think it is really one of the worst quality's humans have. I believe in being honest even if it hurts sometimes. I'm not perfect, and I'm not saying I've never been 2 faced to people. But I do try everything in my power to make it so I am being honest with others and treat them the way I feel is needed.



Why is it that I'm 24 dealing with more shady girls then my sister who is in high school? I need to sort out my "friends" Fakes, Friend's, and Best Friends.... I rather have 3 or 4 really amazing friends then have a bunch of friends who just don't care about me and throw me under a bus.



Why is everything a competition... I wanna be better friends with this person so I'm just not gonna involve you. I wanna have a better car than you so I'll buy a newer one, I wanna look better than you do so I'll starve to lose more than you, I want to be center of attention so I'm gonna do and say something that might hurt but I don't care because they are laughing at you not me. I HATE these kind of people.... It makes me sad that I have put up with this kind of shit from people for so long. I'm not gonna put my happy face on and pretend I like these kind of people anymore. To be honest I've been doing this for a while now... and I honestly have to say I feel so much better about where I am in my life and I couldn't be happier. I love my true friends and my kids and family.... So thank you for making this one and only life the best it can be!

Family Time

Ah, it's nice to be blogging again! It's been a little over a month and so much has happened! Just staying really busy between my family and friends.

I noticed the other day that me and Eric had one of the best summers we've ever had last year and not a whole lot of it was with our kids not saying we didn't have any good times with them I just expect there to be more! Well this year will be different. Me and Eric decided this summer would be spent doing things we all could do as a family. A lot of our friends have kids as well so it will be fun to bring some friends along as well!

My main goal this month is taking the time to make my self a happier person! I get down on myself and it's not something some one else can help me with... I need to be able to make myself happy before some one else can, and I'm ok with that! Well I better be goin! :)

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Hate is such a strong word

I hate people... Excpecially adults who act like children makes me sad to think how immature adults can be. Oh well if people were expecting something else out of me... Like a rise out of me! Well here ya go. I hate you.

Sitting Here bored

Alright well I'm just sitting in my living room with my kids watching another lame kid show... Blah! So I'm gonna try this dieting thing again! I need to do it not only because I wanna be skinnier and feel better about myself but because I wanna be a more active mommy! I'm gonna do weight watchers and another diet and switch off and on... One is more like a crash diet... And then weight watchers in between! Hopefully I can't get to my goal weight... I would be soooooo happy! But I know I can and if I did it I would feel sooo accomplished! I need to do this.

So I'm beginning to slip back into my old ways of anti social ... Well I do this about every 3 months, but this time I'm not gonna let it get so bad that I feel like I have to re-build my friendships! I'm just gonna ignore the voice saying to stay and not hangout with someone. So ya I'm pretty excited for summer to get here so that all of us can stop hibernating!!! Last summer was awesome but I'm determined to make this one even better! Eh we will see... Well better get going. Peace.


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Blogging

I've got with it and I'm now able to blog from my phone! Yay!!!

Anyways lately i've really wanted a journal because there are things that my kids are doing and I don't wanna forget that they happened!! I know not a lot of people read my blog so I really don't mind saying whatever I want... Not that I really cared before but I would find myself not writing about certain things cause I found people wouldn't care to read it... Yeah soooo I'll write whatever from now on.

Alot is going on lately planning our trip to California with the seguins to go see sober down play at the house of blues... It should be a pretty amazing trip! One to remember!

This week has been exhausting!! I've been sick with my two kids sick as well! Eric painted this week that was a nice surprise! I like how it turned out! We aren't done but we almost are! I love making things more of my own and putting my own touch on things! Well I better get goin.


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Feeling It

Sometimes it feels like I've never left high school. I mean it's the same stupid shit... just a new day and the situation is a little different. ( oh jeez I hate that I can't say situation without thinking about that orange freak from TV.) Anyways, sometimes I feel like my friends really aren't my friends... I can probably count on one hand who I think is seriously a genuine friend. No one has really done me wrong or anything like that I don't feel anger or rage towards someone I'm just looking deeper into my life and people that I surround myself with.

So on the other hand life is going ok... I hate dealing with the stress life brings me day to day, but eh it's part of life. My kids are getting so big... Jaxon turned 1 and Lexa turned 4 I just feel like life is FLYING by me. I feel like I'm still 18 and reality is... I'm not. I feel like it's gonna be too late for me to make some serious changes in my life if I don't start making those changes now I don't want it to be too late! So many things have been on my mind lately and I don't really want to share it with the world but long story short I want my memory erased! ha ha no not really, because what I've gone through has seriously changed me as a person, Mother, wife and friend. It just sucks that we have to deal with such bullshit to see a bigger picture. Well I gotta get some stuff ready for our dinner plans so peace. :)