Wednesday

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

— Audrey Hepburn

Lil update

So lately I have been super busy! I've been trying to get in as much as I can before this summer is gone. I think this last summer has been the best one I've had so far! I loved most days! Spent a lot time out side and at the pool... life really couldn't have gotten any better. Right now I have to admit I'm dealing with some issues that are so hard on me because I care so much about people and my family, and I absolutely hate disappointing people and being disappointed as well.

As far as my weight loss goes I've almost lost 70 lbs... whoa! I'm really proud of myself, but at the same time I just wish I could actually be where I wanna be right now. I know it takes time and I work so hard and eat really healthy and I don't cheat! I just want this so bad! I am doing it the right way by working out 5 or 6 times a week and I eat really really healthy :) don't get me wrong there were a few weeks where I wasn't on my game but I didn't gain anything so I don't feel to bad about it. Now I'm back though and more motivated as ever!!! I'm ready to get the body I want and I know how hard this is going to be, but I need to remind myself how it is worth it.

I am hoping I can keep up the hard work and get over this hump that I'm stuck at! Wish me luck and I hope all is well!

Re-Boost

So today I have had this urge to blog and I have so many things on my mind. I decided to talk about wanting something so bad you'll do anything for it, for example I want a different look so bad and the truth is... I'm still to heavy to get the look I want. The clothes I want to wear just don't look so hot on a bigger girl, so there it is... my motivation. I've really slowed down on the weight loss but not gained so that's a plus. I am still so motivated to lose weight, but I think my body was so over whelmed by all the weight I had lost it didn't know what to do, so I decided to give it a week of eating what I wanted and treated my body to some relaxing time, so far I've lost 3 lbs :). I think it worked!!! I won't get my hopes up too much but I really am looking forward to losing more and being in those cute clothes. Not only that but I love being healthy and strong, it has made such a difference in my life and I'm so grateful for my changes, and I'm grateful for those cute clothes that push me to do whatever it takes to get them.

Talking about being healthy I have heard about this cleanse called the "Re-boost Juice Cleanse" It's juicing all your meals!!! You use all natural non processed foods, like apples, carrots, cucumbers, nuts, herbs, just leave out those really starch filled veggies :). I will be doing this cleanse it will be 10 days and I hear that the first 3 days are hard but after that you feel a lot better and a lot of people say that they have MORE energy and feel so much better, but like any cleanse it's hard and food is always so tempting. I was telling my sister and brother in law that with something like this you need to be motivated and be there mentally 100%. I wanna start A.S.A.P. I have always had some issues with my health and this cleanse cures a lot of health issues and cuts your medication doses a lot and sometimes eliminates them completely. I'm not doing this cleanse so much for the weight loss but for the re-boost on my body. I'll blog my journey about it and we'll see how I do... and how long I CAN last.

Mysterious Love

What is love exactly? I mean I know people have tried to explain it in their poetry and their music, but do we know?

Falling in love:

Having enough faith in another person to give them your whole heart.

Letting yourself feel too much, too fast, and face planting in the end.

Breaking down your own walls to not only let in, but out.

Thinking be damned. Feel it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.

You can't really choose love, but you cannot feel love with out feeling vulnerable, but you can choose who to be vulnerable to, so choose to be vulnerable with some one. Feel it, the hurt and the disappointment, because that is better than feeling nothing at all! You can never feel the fullness of love without risking the sorrow. So risk. Risk it all.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.

Where is Fall?

Lately I have been sick, tired, unhealthy! It's been horrible!!! Today was the first day that I felt like myself again and that was really nice... I loved today. Woke up, went swimming, went to my moms for my birthday dinner and had a really fun time with my family.

I've been alone a lot this week and I loved it. Sometimes I just need a break from the world, and it was a nice break. I am ready for summer to be over with, so I can go back in to hibernation and have a good excuse to do so. I miss it being too cold to leave so that I was forced to read, clean, and be a little O.C.D. Too much of it is stressful and a bit boring. I love having time with my friends and being in the sun and letting the kids wear themselves out by being outside, but I'm ready for it to be done... I think I'm more excited for fall than winter, actually I HATE winter, so yeah I rephrase that comment, " I can't wait for fall to come so it's too cold to be outside all day." Plus fall is jacket weather and my favorite article of clothing is my jackets! I LOVE them.

It's getting late and I need to spend what little time me and Eric have left of this wonderful weekend together.

Also...

I'm happy... for the first time in a long time... I'm happy.

The Surface

Sometimes I feel out of place, who doesn't at some point?

I wish I could feel more.

How do I fix that?

I have put up these walls so I don't have to feel pain as much as I should, but that also means I don't feel happiness the way I should.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want change.

Something keeps holding me here and I need to find out what and change it.

I don't have to be scared of it, change is good.

What my change is... I'm not quite sure.

Change Happens

I have had some crazy things happen in my life lately and I have to say that it has opened my eyes and made me see people at a different light! I can't say I am happy about everything... I will go with the flow and handle anything that comes my way. I've realized more that life changes all the time and it can't be stopped! So I deal and keep going! I think life would be boring if nothing changed... but that's just me.

On a happier note I've lost 53 lbs... Ya it's crazy and I'm still going! I hope to be 20-30lbs lighter by the fall... I believe it's possible and god knows I have the drive to make it happen! I do a lot of things for myself lately and I don't feel bad because it's not like I have forgotten about all the other people I need to do stuff for I've just found a way to fit me in there too. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love those who don't always treat me the best, and judge me when I'm down... but that's because I can't let hate be apart of my life... I can't let negative consume me... I won't let it happen!

Seeing A Difference

I've lost a little over 40 lbs and I must say I am starting to see a difference...

So Fragile And Still So Stong

I sit here in my bed listening to music and I'm not sure why but the music helps me think about everything in my life.. all the good, all the bad and I sit here thinking how sad I am... how torn and beat up I am about life. I'm so lonely here in this part of my life... I know that this happens to people but not me... I've always been so strong I don't crack or break but I see myself slowly falling.... At the same time I feel that I will be grateful for this fall.

There's this song that stands out to me saying " I wish I wasn't always wrong, I wish it wasn't always my fault. The finger that your pointing has knocked me down on my knees and all you need to know is that I'm so sorry it's not like me it's maturity that I'm lacking"... nothing really personal just made me think.

Although I see how fragile I've become I have also seen how strong I'm becoming... with each day I see more strength in myself I am trying so hard and that takes so much. I love so much and that kills me, but for me to keep loving the way I do takes a lot... I sometimes feel like my heart will never mend back but it never fails me it's still strong and still so fragile... unfortunately most people are just like this.

Trying To Make The Right Choice

Lately I have been a little down... I've been having a hard time with some "friends" I just don't know where I stand with them so I think it's best if I start to move on. I hate having to cut off friends that you've had for a while for the sake of your own sanity! I'll miss them for sure!!! It breaks my heart that I have to do this, but at the same time I know its what I need to do for me and my state of mind.

On a good note I've lost 40 lbs and that's awesome! That makes me a really happy person for sure! I'm excited to keep this going It's been about 3 months or so... I think that's pretty amazing! I work out 4-5 times a week and I eat really healthy and in moderation. I'm excited to get my old body back and I'm excited to be healthy and more active.

I have now realized that I am really happy when I'm alone... I love my freedom I love not having to worry about EVERYTHING, but in all reality that's not my life and I have to accept it. It's great at times and it really sucks at other times. I suck it up and deal with the crap I don't like doing but try to find the fun in anything really. I need to do something for me and I know exactly what I wanna do and I'm super excited and I know it's just the thing to get me out of this negative place that I've found my self swimming in.

Pick Me Up

If this is how it hurts it couldn't get much worse

If this is how it feels to fall

Then that's the way it is, we live with what we miss

We learn to build another wall till it falls

The Story Of My Life

Why do I care so much

Why do I believe in the wrong people

Why am I so gullible

Why do I get my heart Involved

Why am I a target

Why...

Love

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."

-Chuck Palahniuk

Happiness

Happiness is something worth fighting for... I've learned that the hard way, and I also feel like it has taken me such a long time to figure that out. I have been visiting my past a lot lately and talking to old friends and it's been fun they are pretty amazing people.

A little update on my weight loss... I've lost 33 lbs so far and I'm happy about it! I'm working so hard to get this weight off! I eat really really healthy and I work out 4-5 days a week!! My neighbor Jess is my little workout buddy and I love how motivated we keep each other, and how we push each other to do more and be stronger. I love this new found me... I will never let go of this person in me right now because for once in my life I am taking charge and making changes and being who I really am! For once I know I am on the right path!

Remember: Work for a cause, not for applause. Live to express, not to impress!

The Big 30!

Whoo I did it! I've lost 30 lbs yay me! 20 more to go :)

Wish me luck!

Goals

Alright well, I'm not Too happy about where I'm at with my weight loss, but really I can't complain! I'm almost down 30 pounds! I need to be happy with that... even though I am 5 lbs less then what I wanted for this month... I know I did good I am just so mad at myself for not trying harder to reaching that goal. I am gonna look at the positive about this and I still have 2 days to lose more haha, no I do not believe I can lose 5 lbs in 2 days! Overall I believe I am happy with 10lbs lost this month... I just know I need to work harder to reach my overall goal by June 1st! After I reach my first goal I'll set another! I know I can do this... for the first time in my life I believe in myself and the fact that I can accomplish anything I want as long as I am committed and have the motivation! Wish me luck!

Mandy

Life

Well lately I have been thinking about the past so much. I miss it... I hate thinking about it because it's the past and it's not like I can go back and live those days again. Oh well, I haven't been great with the whole weight loss thing I have only lost one more pound so 26 lbs lost but hey at least I am losing! haha, anyways I really wanna hit my goal so I am gonna be working my butt off this next week and a half I need to do this for me, I need to prove to myself I can do it and that I'm strong enough to stick to something for more than 2 months! I only know if I keep going on the path that I'm on I can keep some real happiness about myself, because it's been a long time sense I've been happy with how I look. I am a stay at home mom and my whole life is kids and home I was even horrible with keeping up on the day to day things and I believe I've changed in that area in a huge way! Anyways I'm getting there I feel happier everyday I don't want to lose this... EVER!!! Wish me luck! :)

Quick Update

Here is a quick update on life and what not... I've lost 25 lbs and I'm happy about it! I hope to lose another 25 sooner than later :). I didn't work out much this weekend just because I really didn't feel good. Me and the family are doing good working on some things at the moment but for the most part everything is good.

Stepping Up My Game!

So lately I have been doing pretty good with the dieting I know I'm gonna have bad weeks and I know I am gonna have good weeks! I have to admit I didn't do so great this weekend and the end of last week... I kept going up 2-4 pounds and back down it was weird... so on Sunday I had put on 4 pounds and realized I needed to keep going forward... not backwards so I started my working out and back on strict dieting. I have to say I'm super impressed with myself I have lost 7 lbs so far this week ... I still have 3 more days left in this week and I plan to lose more... hopefully! So all together I've lost 22 lbs and I'm happy with that, I hope to have lost 25 -30 pounds by Sunday! I know if I stick to working out 2-3 times a day and eating really healthy I will be happy with whatever the scale shows because I know I'm being a healthier person and more active!!! Wish me luck!

Special

I love moments like this!! Eric loving on his kids and he crashes... He works so hard for us :).

20 Down 30 more to go!

Alright I started this weight loss journey 5 weeks ago and I must say I am very happy with how well I am doing!!! I have officially lost 20 lbs and still losing! I love the new me, I love how motivated I am to keep going!! I don't have a hard time turning down the food I love! I have given myself some goodies and it didn't effect my weightloss so that's a plus. I am gonna start working even harder to get to my weightloss goal by the end of May and I have 2 months to do it so wish me luck I know I'm gonna need it!! I'm happier, healthier and I'm so amazed at how great I feel! I'm loving the new me.

Hold On To What You Believe

I cant promise you that I wont let you down
And I
I cant promise you that I will be the only one around
When your hope falls down
But were young
Open flowers in the windy fields of this war-torn world
And love
This city breathes the plague of loving things more than their creators

I ran away
I could not take the burden of both me and you
It was too fast
Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break
When it was a promise I could not make

But what if I was wrong?

But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight

And now this land
Means less and less to me without you breathing through its trees
At every turn
The water runs away from me and the halo disappears
And the hole when youre not near

So what if I was wrong?

But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight

So hold on to what you believed in the light

Weight Loss Update and Life

Alright... well, lately I've been way way way sick! It was like nothing I've ever felt in my life!!! Body aches, fever, bronchitis.... it sucks and I'm off my antibiotics but I can't seem to get all this crap out of my lungs so I sounds like a 60 year old smoker!! BLAH!!! Anyways, me and Eric have decided to put off on having a baby right now we tried for 7 months and nothing so we decided to take the spring and summer off and try this fall... maybe... Plus I'm now thinking there are things that I need to get done before having another child, like take care of me and my personal needs, and maybe live a little more I'm only 24 and I feel like I'm 34... not that 34 is old I just feel 10 years older than I should, I think.... Any who. The whole weight loss thing is still going I didn't get to blog about it last week because I was so ill and didn't leave my bed, and I lost 2 pounds last week and for reasons I won't say I put those 2 back on... I will promise I did not cheat or eat badly, but I have lost those 2 pounds and I have a feeling I'll lose more by the end of this week so that should be good!! I am pretty proud of myself for eating healthy and keeping this weight off! I know I didn't lose another 7 pounds, but I knew I couldn't lose 7 pounds EVERY week! I know I want to try to lose more than 2 this week so I will let you know how that goes! Also after I can breathe again I need to start working out and I have a friend who is always down to workout and kick butt so that's a plus! Wish me luck and thanks! :)

Weightloss and LIfe

So this last week I have been extremely bored... except last night me and Eric finally got to go on a date and we totally needed it! I love going on dates and we really don't get to go out very often! Alright so I'm still dieting doing better I feel it's getting a little easier and seeing the weight coming off helps! 2 weeks and I'm down 14 pounds! I'm happy with it but I know it's not always this easy to lose weight you hit a mark and it takes a lot more than just eating right. I've been looking into some personal trainers and different things that would work for me... I wanna do something fun when it comes to working out so I'm down to try whatever! I'm trying Zumba next week... that seems to be the big thing right now, and I've heard it's pretty fun so I'll try it! I didn't cheat as bad this weekend but still had the same results so oh well I'm just happy the numbers are going down not up! Hopefully I can keep losing!

Progress Is Progress

In my last post I was talking about dieting and how bad it blows... and yes I still have the same views on it, but I must say 7 lbs lost isn't bad for one week! The crappy thing is the weekends... I always cheat! I hate that I cheat... I need to stop it. I didn't even work out I just ate better and stayed busy with kids and house work. I haven't just been trying to lose weight I've been trying to be a better me and I think I've made really great progress with it all! I'm holding strong, and I always feel like the first week is the easiest so hopefully I don't eff it up! Fixing what's wrong is hard, doing wrong is easy. Wish me luck, and for anyone who reads this if you have goals and are doing a good job keeping them well, thumbs up and keep up the hard/good work!

Realizing I'm Different Today!

Dieting... I hate it... I'm horrible at it... BUT this year I am a little more motivated to do something about it! It's weird just waking up one day an being like today is the day I try to change my life, I really love this feeling. I hope to keep this feeling going because I really need it! I think I'm just going to go cold turkey on the whole soda thing as well... anyone who knows me knows I love my coke I can't resist it, but like I said, something is different about me and all I can do is hope it stays with me! Maybe it's the weather or maybe something more... either way I need to jump on it and keep it alive! ha ha. Well other than that nothing new really just doing a lot of reading and cleaning and blah blah blah ( ya know the usual mom things). I wanna start playing tennis this spring and summer I think it's a fun way to exercise and finally do something with my brother! He is a huge fan of tennis and loves to play... I think he is the only one I know who actually likes it. Anyways I hope I can stay strong on what I want to do and try to be healthier I know I need it... I don't want to get to a point where it's too late! Wish me luck!!!

Falling

"They are so absorbed in each other it's beautiful. It's like nothing else exists just them and their beautiful harmony. They are so connected in their own little perfect beautiful, peaceful, musical world... can't get enough of them"

Finally Feeling Something.

So I haven't blogged in a while and that's because every time I went to say something I realized I had nothing to say... it's been weird. So lately we've just been doing a lot of stuff with Alexa and her schooling trying to get her ready for Kindergarten! She is so excited to go next year, although we will miss her Pre school teacher so much!!! She is such an amazing person and an example of what all teachers should be! She believes in her students and makes them believe in themselves. Me and Eric are doing great Eric turned 25 yesterday and we had a nice quiet dinner to ourselves and that was really nice! I can't believe how old we are getting! I swear it was just yesterday that we met! Being high school sweethearts and making it this far is such an accomplishment and such a trial ...really. I love how we are still best friends and how we still joke and laugh and fight and love.... it's good. we are really quiet opposite sometimes and I think that adds a lot of character to our relationship being able to have different opinions so the other can see another point of view is nice. Now I'm just babbling but really love your significant other for who they are and your differences :)

Stress Is So Unhealthy

I need to DE stress myself and my life.... just exactly how am I suppose to do that? I have 2 kids and a husband that is so up and down lately it's kind of hard to completely eliminate it all... but I guess I'll try! I'm sure Yoga will help! DE-cluttering my life should help as well and maybe some daily breathing techniques... I know some people would think that's stupid but it really does relax me! Also doing more things that make me a happier person like going outside more and being more interactive with other people even if it's just family :) With doing all that I hope to have good news come my way, and if not I'll keep going forward with what I really want!