Feeling It

Sometimes it feels like I've never left high school. I mean it's the same stupid shit... just a new day and the situation is a little different. ( oh jeez I hate that I can't say situation without thinking about that orange freak from TV.) Anyways, sometimes I feel like my friends really aren't my friends... I can probably count on one hand who I think is seriously a genuine friend. No one has really done me wrong or anything like that I don't feel anger or rage towards someone I'm just looking deeper into my life and people that I surround myself with.

So on the other hand life is going ok... I hate dealing with the stress life brings me day to day, but eh it's part of life. My kids are getting so big... Jaxon turned 1 and Lexa turned 4 I just feel like life is FLYING by me. I feel like I'm still 18 and reality is... I'm not. I feel like it's gonna be too late for me to make some serious changes in my life if I don't start making those changes now I don't want it to be too late! So many things have been on my mind lately and I don't really want to share it with the world but long story short I want my memory erased! ha ha no not really, because what I've gone through has seriously changed me as a person, Mother, wife and friend. It just sucks that we have to deal with such bullshit to see a bigger picture. Well I gotta get some stuff ready for our dinner plans so peace. :)

This Just about sums up my life in the last month.

People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. - Marilyn Monroe

Expect the un-expected!

I'm not really in a mood to talk alot about what's going on in my life right now but I'll just say it's the hardest thing I've ever had to dijest and handle. I can't help but blame myself for the promblems in my life... even tho they really aren't my fault, but I just take blame. I feel so blind about this world and the people in it. So many people are just mean... and disrespectful. The hardest part for me isn't so much forgiving someone, but forgetting what they did to me. I just have to find a way to get back to who I am and what's important. Wish me luck.

Life= Kids, Husband, Cleaning, and More Cleaning!

Oh man it's been so long sense I've blogged... sad :( anyways, I really haven't been up to much just the usual. Lately I've wanted to get caught up on some photography I just feel like I let it go on the back burner. I really feel that taking pictures and having them turn out good makes me feel really good! I have quite a bit of people that need their pics done and I just need to send out reminders to those lovely people that we need to get them done before it's toooooo cold! haha or we could do it in the cold... doesn't matter really!

I miss some of my friends I feel like we have drifted sooo far apart that there is no return to what it use to be... but I guess that's just how it goes sometimes! It can just be a really sad thing to accept! Then on the other hand some friendships can go on pause and pick up just where we left off... :) Love that!

So Halloween was pretty crazy. We took the kids trick or treating with all the cousins and then we came back to our place and had friends over... I love having my friends come over and having a good time... although I will admit there was a certain time that was not all that fun... Michelle and Ben losing keys and well... yeah... Ben and Michelle brought their new baby Ellie and oh man she's soooo dang cute! I love babies... I love new babies.

Alright I'm gonna go now both kids are napping and I think I should sneak some cleaning in!

Taking Another Step Forward

I don't really know how to start this blog today... I know I have a lot on my mind and so much going on right now, but for some reason I can't put it all into words. I am taking a new step in my life that is way past due, well at least in my opinion. I love being a mommy and I love being a wife but I think it's time that I give myself some attention. When I do give myself attention I think I'm making my self a better Mother and wife. I need some balance in my life right now and well sense things are working out in that area at the time I'll take advantage of it.

I pretty much love what I'm doing right now I feel so much better. I feel like I am actually making something of my self and I feel happy about what I'm doing in this life at this moment. I don't feel completely worthless! I don't like to tell people a lot of what's going on just because most people I know also try to bring me down and think I can't accomplish my goals so very few of the people I know actually know what's going on at the moment! I am also so grateful for my babysitter Jess! She has saved my life she is good with kids and hey I can afford her. :) I'm just really excited about the next chapter in my life!

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving"

" I guess I'm a floater"

I thought I would make a post because Kaycee reminded me that people just aren't blogging anymore... so I'm bloggin! Its needed right now. I have gone through so much the last month I can't even explain in one blog... even if I tried.

One of the things that has hit me kind of hard lately is something I said to my friend that kind of made me think a little... I said, "I guess I'm just a floater". I'll explain why I said that ... We were talking about the life style we wanted for our kids. I could name off all the things I wanted for my children... expect one little thing... Religion I'm so confused on what to do in that area I'm not against it by any means... anyways it's just hard to explain. But that's when I said, I'm just a floater... I think over time that part will come to me.

Another thing that has made me happy lately is my family and friends. I love them all so much. I have to admit I have some of the most incredible people in my life right now and that's how I wanna keep it!! I finally have sorted through some things and figured out who I wanted apart of my life and well they all know who they are. The others can foo off heh... ( Yeah I giggled a little there) anyways I need to keep blogging!!! Or else I don't remember these things and then they are lost forever!

Oh yeah, I'm sad summer is over but excited for fall! I LOVE THE FALL!!! the weather changing the tree's changing ! Halloween and Thanksgiving... ahhh I couldn't be happier right now :):)

So nice to be home

Well I've been gone for a week on vacation... wow... that was really long. I'll list all the places we had ended up going... We started off by flying out of SLC to St. Louis then to Philadelphia drove out 2 hours to New Jersey, then 3 days later drove back out to Philadelphia and flew out to Chicago and then to Little Rock Arkansas... we then drove 3 and half hours out to Branson Missouri where we stayed for 4 days then drove back out to Little Rock Arkansas and stayed there over night to wake up at 4 ( 3 in Utah time) to catch our 6:30 am flight ... (wow was that close!!) The directions that we got that was suppose to lead us to the airport ended up being closed... so Eric had to end up moving road blockers to get to the airport.... hilarious. Anyways we get home about 12:30 our flight was suppose to get back ant 12:05 but some lady had a seizure on the plane so we had to wait for the ambulance. Lucky for her we had a doctor and 2 nurses on the plane that day. Anyways we get home and enjoy a nice night with family.

The next day we ended up going to the Roots Rock and Reggae Festival... amazing is all I really have to say I had a good time with fun people... except at one point when I wanted to kill this one chick... oh well I got over it! haha thanks to a friend calming down about the whole situation. Speaking of friends I'm so happy that I got to spend time with one friend that I havent talked to in a while it was nice to catch up... I missed her. Other than that I'm so tired and need to just take a minute to relax... wait I have kids... yeah scratch that idea! heh