Wednesday

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

— Audrey Hepburn

Lil update

So lately I have been super busy! I've been trying to get in as much as I can before this summer is gone. I think this last summer has been the best one I've had so far! I loved most days! Spent a lot time out side and at the pool... life really couldn't have gotten any better. Right now I have to admit I'm dealing with some issues that are so hard on me because I care so much about people and my family, and I absolutely hate disappointing people and being disappointed as well.

As far as my weight loss goes I've almost lost 70 lbs... whoa! I'm really proud of myself, but at the same time I just wish I could actually be where I wanna be right now. I know it takes time and I work so hard and eat really healthy and I don't cheat! I just want this so bad! I am doing it the right way by working out 5 or 6 times a week and I eat really really healthy :) don't get me wrong there were a few weeks where I wasn't on my game but I didn't gain anything so I don't feel to bad about it. Now I'm back though and more motivated as ever!!! I'm ready to get the body I want and I know how hard this is going to be, but I need to remind myself how it is worth it.

I am hoping I can keep up the hard work and get over this hump that I'm stuck at! Wish me luck and I hope all is well!

Re-Boost

So today I have had this urge to blog and I have so many things on my mind. I decided to talk about wanting something so bad you'll do anything for it, for example I want a different look so bad and the truth is... I'm still to heavy to get the look I want. The clothes I want to wear just don't look so hot on a bigger girl, so there it is... my motivation. I've really slowed down on the weight loss but not gained so that's a plus. I am still so motivated to lose weight, but I think my body was so over whelmed by all the weight I had lost it didn't know what to do, so I decided to give it a week of eating what I wanted and treated my body to some relaxing time, so far I've lost 3 lbs :). I think it worked!!! I won't get my hopes up too much but I really am looking forward to losing more and being in those cute clothes. Not only that but I love being healthy and strong, it has made such a difference in my life and I'm so grateful for my changes, and I'm grateful for those cute clothes that push me to do whatever it takes to get them.

Talking about being healthy I have heard about this cleanse called the "Re-boost Juice Cleanse" It's juicing all your meals!!! You use all natural non processed foods, like apples, carrots, cucumbers, nuts, herbs, just leave out those really starch filled veggies :). I will be doing this cleanse it will be 10 days and I hear that the first 3 days are hard but after that you feel a lot better and a lot of people say that they have MORE energy and feel so much better, but like any cleanse it's hard and food is always so tempting. I was telling my sister and brother in law that with something like this you need to be motivated and be there mentally 100%. I wanna start A.S.A.P. I have always had some issues with my health and this cleanse cures a lot of health issues and cuts your medication doses a lot and sometimes eliminates them completely. I'm not doing this cleanse so much for the weight loss but for the re-boost on my body. I'll blog my journey about it and we'll see how I do... and how long I CAN last.

Mysterious Love

What is love exactly? I mean I know people have tried to explain it in their poetry and their music, but do we know?

Falling in love:

Having enough faith in another person to give them your whole heart.

Letting yourself feel too much, too fast, and face planting in the end.

Breaking down your own walls to not only let in, but out.

Thinking be damned. Feel it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.

You can't really choose love, but you cannot feel love with out feeling vulnerable, but you can choose who to be vulnerable to, so choose to be vulnerable with some one. Feel it, the hurt and the disappointment, because that is better than feeling nothing at all! You can never feel the fullness of love without risking the sorrow. So risk. Risk it all.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.

Where is Fall?

Lately I have been sick, tired, unhealthy! It's been horrible!!! Today was the first day that I felt like myself again and that was really nice... I loved today. Woke up, went swimming, went to my moms for my birthday dinner and had a really fun time with my family.

I've been alone a lot this week and I loved it. Sometimes I just need a break from the world, and it was a nice break. I am ready for summer to be over with, so I can go back in to hibernation and have a good excuse to do so. I miss it being too cold to leave so that I was forced to read, clean, and be a little O.C.D. Too much of it is stressful and a bit boring. I love having time with my friends and being in the sun and letting the kids wear themselves out by being outside, but I'm ready for it to be done... I think I'm more excited for fall than winter, actually I HATE winter, so yeah I rephrase that comment, " I can't wait for fall to come so it's too cold to be outside all day." Plus fall is jacket weather and my favorite article of clothing is my jackets! I LOVE them.

It's getting late and I need to spend what little time me and Eric have left of this wonderful weekend together.

Also...

I'm happy... for the first time in a long time... I'm happy.

The Surface

Sometimes I feel out of place, who doesn't at some point?

I wish I could feel more.

How do I fix that?

I have put up these walls so I don't have to feel pain as much as I should, but that also means I don't feel happiness the way I should.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want change.

Something keeps holding me here and I need to find out what and change it.

I don't have to be scared of it, change is good.

What my change is... I'm not quite sure.

Change Happens

I have had some crazy things happen in my life lately and I have to say that it has opened my eyes and made me see people at a different light! I can't say I am happy about everything... I will go with the flow and handle anything that comes my way. I've realized more that life changes all the time and it can't be stopped! So I deal and keep going! I think life would be boring if nothing changed... but that's just me.

On a happier note I've lost 53 lbs... Ya it's crazy and I'm still going! I hope to be 20-30lbs lighter by the fall... I believe it's possible and god knows I have the drive to make it happen! I do a lot of things for myself lately and I don't feel bad because it's not like I have forgotten about all the other people I need to do stuff for I've just found a way to fit me in there too. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love those who don't always treat me the best, and judge me when I'm down... but that's because I can't let hate be apart of my life... I can't let negative consume me... I won't let it happen!